


I Won't Say I'm in Love

by Codradin



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arguments, Boys In Love, Copious Amounts of Petnames, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multiple Orgasms, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise, Sexual Content, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Codradin/pseuds/Codradin
Summary: Chase Brody wasn't going to fall in love again. It hurt too much to think about all of the things that entailed.And he definitely wasn't going to fall for his best friend, of all people.
Relationships: Chase Brody/Henrik Von Shneeplestien, Sean McLoughlin/Sean McLoughlin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	I Won't Say I'm in Love

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [It's My Party](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822093) by [lacemaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacemaze/pseuds/lacemaze). 



Chase had never intended to fall in love again.

After everything had happened, all the pain and confusion and self hatred, he just couldn't bear the thought of having another significant other. He was afraid of what would happen if he loved someone again.

Today was about as good as his days got. Nothing super awful had happened, and he had yet to have a _complete_ mental breakdown, which was always a win. Henrik, his friend and caretaker, had suggested they go out for a bit, get Chase some fresh air. Chase had groaned dramatically, not wanting to leave the warmth of his bed, but Henrik had won that battle fairly easily. Chase could never bring himself to fight with Henrik for very long. Henrik was always right anyways.

Not to say Chase couldn't get away with things sometimes. Henrik never let him do anything that was detrimental to his already shoddy health, but Chase had pretty convincing puppy dog eyes. It was always fun to watch the internal battle Henrik had with himself whenever Chase silently begged him to let Chase do something that Henrik would otherwise not allow. Like convincing Henrik to get them food while they were out, which of course wasn't what the doctor had in mind. He didn't really like eating out, preferring to make the meals himself. But here they were, at some quaint little sandwich place, sitting at a booth by a large window, the setting suns light streaming in through the blinds as they sat across from eachother in relative silence.

Henrik was looking out the window contemplatively, cradling a cup of coffee in his always-cold hands, fingers drumming against the cup idly, lost in thought. Chase watched him in curiosity. Henrik was always thinking about something important, always planning out what exactly he would do, every little step of everything. He was always so solid, so down to earth, even now, when he was lost in his own head. Chase knew that at the drop of a pin Henrik would be ready to assist with anything, no matter what it was.

Chase was...a little jealous. Henrik was witty and smart, always ready to snap back if someone got on his nerves, but he never let his own emotions cloud his judgement. Chase didn't think he'd ever seen him genuinely angry or lash out at anyone blindly.

It was a little unfair. Chase wished he was half the person Henrik was. The doctor was so...perfect, so wonderful in a way Chase couldn't even begin to describe, and Chase was just so broken, flawed and crumbling.  
  
Chase stared at Henrik, letting his mind drift, the world fading out for a moment. Henrik's eyes were distant, staring out the window, the searing orange of the setting sun reflecting in his steely gaze. His eyes always felt like a window to the doctor's soul, the color seeming to shift depending on his mood. Whenever he was happy or content, his eyes were a shimmering blue, bright and beautiful. When he was upset or frustrated, his eyes turned to steel, a piercing gray that shut anyone down in their tracks.

The sunset gleamed in his eyes, bright orange and deep reds overlapping the calm gray.

Chase let his own eyes drift from Henrik's to the rest of the doctors form. He always looked good, but there was something ethereal about him at times. His deep hazel hair gleamed with a fiery hue in the light, gracing his face in a way that made him look angelic. The small scar across the bridge of his nose showed up clearly in the dusk sunlight, fitting in with the sprinkling of freckles that covered his cheekbones and nose, little dots of fire against his pale skin. His lips were parted ever so slightly, an unintentional thing he seemed to do when thinking. Henrik hated it, but Chase found endearing. Chase's eyes traced the rest of Henrik's form. He was still wearing his lab coat, a comfort item of his. It always looked good on him, showing off his broad shoulders and strong arms. Beneath it he wore a plain brown turtleneck, soft and cozy. Chase had a habit of stealing it on bad days. It made him feel safe.  
  
Chase sighed without thinking about it, resting his chin on his hand as he drank in the gorgeous man before him, unaware of his own thoughts, lost in his own little world, a world where nothing had ever happened, where he could just sit here and look at his friend forever.

It was the sound of someone calling his name that broke him out of his revere.

"Chase?" He jumped a little, realizing it was Henrik that had spoken, his strong, beautiful voice that always made his name sound so unreal, like a god saying some mere mortal's name-

  
"Y-yeah?" He tried to fight back the blush that rose to his cheeks, internally smacking himself.

_Get your shit together, Brody! Stop checking out your best friend!_

"Did you hear me?" Henrik was looking at him with sky-blue eyes, head tilted slightly to the side.

"Uh-no. What was the question?"

"I asked if you were ready to leave. I want to get you in bed at a reasonable hour, mein freund, and it's a reasonably long walk home."

Chase pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. 6:04. He sighed before putting the device away. "Yeah, we should get going. You work tomorrow, don't you?" Henrik hummed out an affirmative, finishing the last of his coffee before sliding out of the booth to throw the cup away.

Chase couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. He knew what Henrik did was important, that his wish was selfish, but he always looked forward to the days when he could spend all of it with his friend. Those were the days he felt the best, when he could almost believe everything would be okay.Those were the days he didn't have to fake as many smiles, the days where he could just relax and not worry about hurting himself.

He slid out of the booth after Henrik, having to hurry a little to keep up with the doctors longer strides. Henrik was a decent bit taller than Chase, and he had a habit of speed walking everywhere (hospital walking, as Chase called it), meaning Chase had to jog to keep up with him sometimes. Henrik always tried to slow down for Chase, but it was difficult for him sometimes. Chase didn't mind. He was just happy to have the time to spend with his friend, just the two of them.

The walk home was quiet, the setting sun illuminating their way for about half of it, before Henrik pulled out his phone for a flashlight, the new moon sending the world around them into darkness.

Chase felt his mind wandering again, looking up at the midnight blue sky, peppered with stars. He really didn't deserve to be friends with someone like Henrik. He was so incredibly lucky to even know him, let alone consider them best friends.

Henrik had been a constant in Chase's burning world. It didn't matter what happened or how unbearable Chase was, Henrik was always there. He was there when Chase got blackout drunk, making sure he got to bed okay and woke up with food and Aspirin ready for him. He was the one who made sure Chase ate and slept and took his meds. He was the one who listened to Chase's depressed ramblings, always seeming to know exactly what Chase needed at any given point.

He felt his heart swell when he thought about the man beside him. His gentle smile and infectious laugh, the little dimple on his right cheek that made itself known when Chase said something particularly amusing to the doctor. He sighed softly to himself, forgetting the man he was thinking was walking right beside him until he felt their shoulders bump.

He jumped, almost tripping over his own feet as he turned to see Henrik smiling gently, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"You've been lost in thought all day. What's on your mind?" Chase felt himself blush, relieved for the cover of darkness the night provided.

"N-nothing. I wasn't thinking about anything."

Henrik's eyebrow rose higher. "You don't usually get caught up in your head like this. Is something bothering you?"

Chase shook his head quickly.  
"No! No, I'm actually doing pretty good today. I'm just-uh-thinking about someone." He internally smacked himself for honesty. He'd have to lie a whole lot more because of it.

Henrik seemed to grimace in the darkness, but Chase assumed it was a smile he just couldn't see very well.  
"It's good that you're coming out of your shell a little. I'm willing to bet that there's a lot of people who would be willing to be romantic with you whenever you think you're ready."

Chase nodded mutely, trying to ignore the pain that arose in his heart. It didn't sound like Henrik was volunteering himself, and Chase couldn't blame him.

"Yeah. Maybe."

He and Henrik could never be together, even if Chase wanted to. Henrik was too good for him.

And Chase Brody wasn't going to fall in love again. 

\--

Months of denial and hopeless pining were starting to weigh down on Chase.

He tried so hard to act normal around Henrik. He really did. It was just so difficult to pretend when just seeing the man made his heart leap into his throat and butterflies erupt in his stomach.

Talking was a different beast entirely.

He refused to admit it, refused to acknowledge what these feelings were. The pain in his heart when he remembered why he couldn't have Henrik, the ache in his chest when the doctor wasn't around, the anxious joy when Henrik spoke with him. It was getting to him. It hurt to see Henrik, but it hurt to be apart from him. His feelings were getting out of control. He could barely contain himself at times. The amount of times he'd kept himself from kissing the man silly was astounding.

The worst part was, his friends were starting to catch on. Marvin gave him a knowing look whenever he stared longingly at the doctor's back, whispering that he'd be willing to be Chase's wingman, but Chase brushed it off. There was no point in trying. Henrik was straight, after all. He'd told Marvin such, and the magician had given him a look that Chase couldn't quite understand, so he'd chosen to ignore it.

He didn't want to get his hopes up.

So much for not falling in love.

\--

It was after a particularly bad day that Chase finally broke.

He'd lost track of time around the one year of pining mark. He was so madly in love with Henrik it physically ached. He wanted nothing more then to melt into his strong arms and kiss the man until neither of them could breathe. He wanted to kiss every freckle, kiss every little mark on the doctors body until he was blushing brighter than the sun.

Chase had forcibly shaken the thoughts from his mind that particular day. His self esteem was practically none-existent, his heart low in his chest, body numb and empty, head full of self-deprecation and regrets. If only Henrik hadn't gotten him off the alcohol. He needed a drink, and he knew there wouldn't be anything in the house.

He buried himself deeper into the blankets, letting his eyes fall closed. He knew he could drive to the store and buy some, he was a grown-ass man with his own damn car, but he couldn't force himself out of bed.

It all hurt too much, his limbs heavy, exhaustion clawing at his mind despite waking up not even two hours ago.

He grunted when he heard a knock at the door, not looking up when the door opened and closed behind his visitor.

"Chase?" Henrik's familiar voice murmured, and Chase's heart ached. He so desperately wanted him, wanted Henrik to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, wanted him to kiss away the pain and make everything feel better. But Chase couldn't have that.

He couldn't ever be happy, could he? Just as everything seemed like it would be okay, his stupid emotions had to get in the way and make seeing his best friend agony.

"Chase? How are you feeling today?" Henrik asked as he walked over to carefully sit on the edge of the bed beside the blanket lump that was Chase. Chase just grunted, rolling to turn away from him. He couldn't deal with this. Not today. "...Chase, I know you want to be alone, but we both know I can't do that."

"'m not gonna hurt myself." Chase mumbled, his heart clenching. Why did Henrik care so damn much?

"Maybe not, but staying in here and sulking isn't good for you either. Come on. Let's get you some food." The doctor urged.

"Not hungry." Chase mumbled.

"I know, but you need to eat." Henrik replied patiently.

Chase huffed, finally sitting up to give the man a deadpan look. Henrik stared at him with those gentle steely-blues, giving him a patient look as he waited for Chase to say something.

Chase just stared back for a long moment, the agony in his chest becoming too much to bear.

He felt tears well in his eyes, his throat burning, but it all became irrelevant as anger boiled in his veins. He could never have Henrik. He could never be fucking happy, could he? Just when things were going to be okay, it all had to come crashing down around him. His rage swelled, mad at himself, at the universe, at whatever entity was playing these sick games on him.

The only place for it to go was out, and the only one around was Henrik.

His jaw clenched, his hands curling into fists, gripping the blankets tightly as something inside him snapped.

"Get out." He hissed, glaring daggers at Henrik.

The man blinked, surprised, before his face softened, concerned, which only served to make Chase all the angrier. "I-Chase, what's wrong?"

"Did you not fucking hear me? Go away! I don't want to fucking see you anymore!" A flash of hurt crossed the doctors face, but he persisted.

"Chase, what did I do? Clearly I said something wrong..."

"The only thing you did wrong was be here! Now would you leave?! I don't even know why the fuck you bothered!" His voice was growing louder, the fury growing harder and harder to control.

"I'm here because I'm worried about you...I'm your friend, Chase, of course I-"

"I don't want to be."

Henrik blinked. "Pardon?"

"I don't want to be your friend. I never did. You're the one who came into my fucking life uninvited! I never wanted anything to fucking do with you! I was almost happy before you shoved your way in!"

Genuine pain set into Henrik's features, the color of his eyes changing to a dim gray, a color Chase had never seen before.

Some part of him realized what he was doing. This wasn't Henrik's fault. None of the things he was saying were true. But he just couldn't stop himself, voice rising to a near shout, venom dripping from every word.

"I never wanted to know you! I never wanted you to be in my fucking life! YOU made me this way! I was almost happy again before you decided to get all buddy-buddy with me! YOU are the one making it worse! It was all okay before I knew you! I don't know how I've tolerated you for so fucking long when all you do is bring me pain! All you've done is make my life worse and worse! HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH?"

Henrik made a broken sound, and before Chase could get out another word, he was gone.

Chase stared blankly at the open door, gripping the sheets in a white-knuckled grip as he stared, his rage still surging unbound in his body.

He didn't need Henrik. He didn't need anyone. He was a grown-ass man. He didn't need him. Henrik made him hurt. Henrik brought back painful memories.

Henrik made him hope. Hope wasn't something he could afford.

He didn't need him.

He didn't.

\--

He didn't see Henrik for almost an entire week.

Henrik never came looking for him, his usual check-ins ceasing immediately. Chase supposed that was fair. He'd basically told the man he'd ruined Chase's life and spit in the face of everything Henrik had tried to do to help Chase recover. The first time Chase saw the doctor again, Chase was up so late it was early, watching as Henrik left for work, but if the doctor noticed him, he didn't say anything.

The moment the rage had dissipated, Chase had seriously contemplated killing himself for the first time in at least a year.

He'd fucked it up. He'd fucked everything up. He'd chased away the last person that cared about him.

He hadn't done it, by some miracle.

Maybe he was afraid of upsetting Henrik more. Maybe he felt like he didn't deserve a clean death. Maybe he was afraid of living, and then having to look Henrik in the eyes again as the doctor healed him. Or maybe Henrik wouldn't. Maybe he'd leave Chase to die. He deserved it, didn't he?

Chase hardly left his room, but he did take himself up on the offer to go buy some alcohol. The familiar burn in his throat and the warmth in his belly was soothing, clouding all the miserable thoughts floating around in his head. It was nice, to be able to drink again, to be able to block out all the terrible things in the world.

But whenever he woke up alone, without any sort of medicine on the bedside table or food waiting for him in the kitchen, his heart ached a little more.

\--

It was after a month of drinking and denial that Chase finally got up the courage to speak to Henrik again.

He wouldn't have spoken to the man ever again, he was sure, if it wasn't for Marvin, who gave him a proper thrashing and told him to get his shit together to at least apologize. Henrik deserved that much.

He found Henrik in his at-home office, a dark storm of anxiety and heartache swirling inside him as he peeked his head into the room before forcing himself to walk up to where the man was seated at his desk.

Henrik looked up when he approached, face decidedly neutral when he realized who it was. Chase felt a sharp stab of pain at the dull sadness in his beautiful eyes, the same flat gray Chase had caused all those weeks ago.

"Chase. What can I do for you?" He kept his voice steady, a faux friendliness he usually reserved for patients and co-workers. He'd never used that voice on Chase until now.

He winced. "I-Listen, I'm...I'm sorry."

Henrik cocked his head slightly. "Whatever for?"

Chase sighed, running a hand through his hair anxiously. "For-for yelling. I-I was angry, but not at you. Nothing I said was true. I was just-I don't know. Scared."

Henrik frowned, real emotion seeping into his expression, hurt and confused.

"Scared? What did I do?"

"Nothing!" Chase rushed out. "Nothing, I swear you did nothing wrong. It was me. I-" He broke off, swallowing thickly as he looked away. He didn't want to say it, but Henrik deserved to know.

Not that he could fuck up their relationship any more.

"I love you. I've loved you for a long time. But I know I can't have you, for more than just me yelling. You're so amazing and smart and handsome and I'm just a pathetic blob who snaps at the one man giving him a will to live and I know you're straight and I know all of these reasons why. I yelled because I was mad at myself, and mad at the world because it all became too much and-"

He was cut off when Henrik stood up abruptly, staring down at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

Chase froze, staring up at him with wide eyes, preparing himself for harsh words or maybe even a physical hit.

"Say it."

Chase blinked. "What?"

"Say it again. Look me in the eyes and repeat yourself." His voice was low, almost demanding, and Chase didn't have the willpower to resist him, staring into his shimmering eyes.

"I-I love you, Henrik."

Henrik threw himself over the desk to grab Chase by the shirt and haul him up for a bruising kiss.

Chase gasped, flailing for a moment as he was yanked partially off the ground, Henrik's ravenous lips on his, tongue demanding entrance that Chase gave willingly. Chase sighed softly as their tongues clashed, hands finding their way to Henrik's hair and the nape of his neck, keeping him as close as possible, his eyes fluttering shut when Henrik nipped at his lower lip. Henrik smelled like antiseptics and ink and coffee, his arms wrapped around Chase's back, holding him up so their lips could meet. Chase whined involuntarily when Henrik finally pulled away, both of them panting softly, their foreheads pressed together, staring into eachother's eyes.

"Let me make it up to you." Chase all but whispered, getting lost in Henrik's eyes, bright with hope and love. "Let me make you feel good."

Henrik silenced him with another kiss, slow and sweet, and Chase melted against him with a sigh. His heart felt full, the anxiety and dread from before fading into nothingness. His problems seemed to melt away, completely focused on memorizing the feeling of Henrik's lips against his, growing addicted to his taste, so deliciously Henrik in a way he couldn't describe.

"H-Hen.." He whined softly when they paused again, their breaths puffing against eachothers faces. "I-please."

"Please what, mein liebling?" Henrik murmured gently, his irises the brightest blue Chase had ever seen, a stark contrast to his flushed face and hooded eyes.

"I want-please, let me do this. I want to make you feel good." Henrik huffed out a quiet sound, a choked off moan that had Chase's head swimming.

"Are you sure?" Henrik whispered. "You don't have to-"

"I want too. Please. You deserve this."

Henrik swallowed thickly, adams apple bobbing as he nodded, letting Chase lead him off to the bedroom.

\--

Chase couldn't keep his hands to himself, intertwining their hands as they walked, peppering his face in kisses whenever he could, refusing to let Henrik go in fear this was all a dream. Henrik seemed almost nervous about undressing, and Chase didn't have a clue why. He was gorgeous, all hard lines and dark hair against his flushed, pale skin. Chase took the time to kiss every single freckle and mark on Henrik's face, reveling in the way he blushed and squirmed slightly, letting out an embarrassed, breathy whine as Chase gently took off the doctors glasses and set them aside.

"Fuck, you look so good." Chase mumbled as he moved lower, kissing and nipping at Henrik's neck, sucking a mark against his pulse point, earning a startled yelp that quickly devolved into a throaty moan. He trailed his lips down Henrik's body, taking the time to leave a path of loving kisses down each of his arms, making him squirm.

Chase couldn't get enough of him, loving the way he tossed an arm over his face to try and hide the fiery blush that was working its way down his neck as Chase scooted his way downwards, nipping and kissing at every inch of his chest and stomach, teasing his nipples until he was trembling. The doctor bit his forearm in a futile attempt to muffle himself, low whines and heady moans escaping his throat regardless, eyes screwed shut as his hips tried to buck, desperate for friction.

"Don't worry, I'll give you want you want." Chase cooed against his hip, loving the way Henrik's thighs twitched and shivered beneath his touch.

"C-Chase-" Henrik whined, accent thick with need, sending a shiver down Chase's spine as the doctors sweet voice curled so perfectly around his name, voice dripping with arousal.

"Fuck, say that again." Chase moaned softly, nipping at Henrik's hipbone, looking up as Henrik forced his eyes open again, the same vibrant blue as before, hooded and hazy with lust.

"Chase, please, I- _ah!_ " Henrik was cut off sharply when Chase wrapped his lips around Henrik's throbbing cock, sucking and lapping at the flushed skin eagerly, setting his hands on Henrik's hips to keep them still. Henrik's hands tangled with his unruly hair, panting and shuddering, eyes squeezing shut again as Chase took half of his length into his throat, tongue teasing the sensitive underside, watching as Henrik thrashed and jerked, trying desperately to get more of his cock inside Chase's mouth. "Chase, oh _Scheiße_ Chase, it's-it's-please-" He breathed, scrambling desperately for some form of coherent thought.

Chase moaned softly around his length at the sheer need in Henrik's voice, reveling in bringing the usually calm and collected man to his knees. Henrik jerked suddenly at the sweet vibrations, a strangled cry falling from his kiss-bruised lips, thighs clamping around Chase's head as he shuddered and thrashed, tugging at his hair.

Chase had to actively try to hold the stronger mans hips still, trying not to choke as he took him deeper for a moment before dragging his lips slowly back up Henrik's cock, teasing the head, tongue flicking and twisting over it, prodding at the leaking slit, moaning softly when Henrik tugged desperately at his hair, the doctors back arched slightly.

Henrik was swearing up a storm, mumbling curses in at least three different languages, moaning and writhing in place, uninhibited pleas falling from his mouth. "C-hase, oh _fuck_ Chase, it's so good, please do that thing with your tongue again-" Chase twisted and curled his tongue, the resounding sob echoing in his head. " _Yes!_ Yes, please, m-more of that, I-I-"

Chase took a slow, deep breath through his nose, curling his tongue in the way that was driving the poor doctor mad one final time before taking his cock into his throat completely.

Henrik jerked wildly, voice rising to a near wail as Chase's throat spasmed around the tip of his cock, thighs gripping Chase's head tightly, the grip on his hair painful as his hips quivering beneath Chase's hands. Chase fought against his gag reflex, tears pricking in his eyes as Henrik chanted his name like a mantra.

"ChaseChaseChase _Chase_ I'm so close don't stop don't stop I-"

Chase hummed softly, sending vibrations down Henrik's cock, and he was gone.

Henrik wailed as he came, gripping Chase's hair in a painful grasp, eyes rolling back as he spasmed and jerked, hips bucking uncontrollably as his back bent into a perfect arch as Chase struggled not to choke as Henrik's cum flooded his mouth, doing what he could to swallow it before pulling back, panting and coughing quietly, tears running down his face, his throat burning wonderfully.

Henrik was panting and trembling, limp against the sheets, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes, body flushed bright red, looking deliciously fucked out. Chase scooted back up the bed to Henrik's face, kissing the tip of his nose gently, waiting until his eyes focused a little before speaking. "How you feelin?" He rumbled, offhandedly wondering when his voice got so deep.

Henrik hummed breathlessly. "Amazing. I think I saw God." Chase grinned, leaning down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss, savoring the whimper Henrik made when he tasted his own cum on Chase's tongue.

Chase had almost forgotten about his own arousal until Henrik's hand slid under the waistband of his jeans, palming his throbbing cock through his boxers, earning a gasping moan. "F-fuck, Hen-" He breathed, burying his face into Henrik's neck. "I-I-"

"You? What do you want, mein leibling?" Henrik rumbled, voice low and almost teasing.

"I-please, can I fuck you?" Chase whined softly, feeling Henrik's low groan more than he felt it.

" _Yes,_ fuck, please-" Henrik moaned, and Chase practically tore himself out of Henrik's grip in order to throw his clothes off and grab a bottle of lube from the nightstand. He looked back up with a triumphant sound when he found the bottle, before freezing and almost dropping the bottle.

Henrik was sprawled out on the bed luxuriously, usually neat hair wild and unkempt. One of his strong arms was thrown over his face, a shimmering blue eye peeking out from under it to watch Chase, the other arm thrown aside lazily. His broad chest was rising and falling evenly, his legs spread easily, inviting, his cock already half-hard again.

Chase made a low strangled sound. Fuck, he looked gorgeous like this, body relaxed and waiting, practically begging Chase to ravish him, to make him scream. He threw the lube on the bed beside Henrik, before forging it in favor of burying his face between Henrik's legs once more.

Henrik yelped, startled, staring down at Chase in flustered confusion, only to shudder and gasp when he dragged his tongue up from his hole to his balls, leaving a fiery trail in its wake. Henrik opened his mouth in an attempt to speak as Chase heaved his hips upward, focusing his efforts on Henrik's twitching entrance, laving over it with long, slow strokes of his tongue, reveling in Henrik's surprised moans.

Chase was rapidly realizing Henrik had probably never had anyone eat his ass before, which was surprising, considering how delicious he looked, but Chase wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to introduce him to the wonderful act of eating ass.

He shoved his tongue inside Henrik, sliding past the tight ring of muscles, earning a strangled groan and a full-body shudder.

"Th-That's-oh _god-_ " Henrik cut off with a moan as Chase pressed his tongue in further, curling and twisting inside of him, lapping at his twitching inner walls. Henrik was twisting and shuddering against the sheets as Chase ate him out like he was a starved man, thick, low sounds escaping from deep in his chest, cock throbbing in time with his pounding heart. "Fuck, Chase, please fuck me-" He whined, pawing at his hair lightly. Chase moaned softly before finally pulling away, taking a moment before smashing their mouths together, ravenous.

Chase eagerly swallowed Henrik's low moan, nipping at his lower lip, growing addicted to the taste of his whimpers, trying to coax more out of him, dragging his hands down his sides to his hips, thumbing at the divot in the bone before scrabbling blindly for the bottle of lube.

No matter how desperate he was, he wouldn't hurt Henrik.

Not again. Never again.

Henrik shuddered when the first finger breached him, whining against Chase's lips, gasping desperately for air against Chase's insatiable mouth, whimpering when Chase took the opportunity to press his tongue into Henrik's mouth, determined to map out every crevice, tongue gracing over his teeth as he carefully slid another finger inside the quivering man beneath him, swallowing his moan.

Chase took his time preparing Henrik, despite both of their growing desperation, the doctor huffing and whining impatiently, pawing at his shoulders weakly, breathless pleas murmured against Chase's lips as he finally pulled away, leaning back enough he could lube up his cock thoroughly, drinking in the sight of Henrik's flustered face and kiss-bruised lips. He leaned forward again to press their foreheads together, staring deep into eachothers eyes.

"I love you." Chase whispered. "I love you so much. More than I could ever say."

Henrik made a suspiciously throaty sound, but he was smiling, giving Chase the opportunity to kiss the dimple that showed itself. "I love you too. Please Chase, I-"

"Shh..." Chase soothed. "I'll give you what you need, gorgeous. Just relax for me." Henrik threw his arms around Chase's neck as the head of his cock breached him slowly. Chase watched his face carefully, ready to stop at the first sign of discomfort. Henrik was gasping when the tip of Chase's cock was completely inside him, clenching around him in a way that made Chase's head spin. "Fuck," He breathed. "You're so tight..."

Henrik just whined something indistinctly, and after a moment he wiggled his hips, wrapping his legs around Chase, clinging to him like his life depended on it. Chase carefully rolled his hips forward, watching in rapture as Henrik shuddered and moaned, eyebrows furrowed, lips parted slightly as he panted, body tightening around Chase's length eagerly.

"How you doin' beautiful?" Chase panted, shivering at Henrik's wrecked voice.

"Good, i-it's really g-good, y-ou're so big, I f-eel so full-" He panted, hips twitching and rolling subconsciously.

"Can I start moving?" Chase asked, fighting desperately to restrain himself despite how wonderful Henrik felt around him, how unbelievably tight he was, clenching around him like the best kind of vice. Henrik nodded, and Chase didn't bother questioning him further.

He drew his hips back slowly, listening to Henrik whine as he filled him back up, trying so hard to go slow. Henrik didn't seem particularly pleased with the pace, heels digging into Chase's back, earning a grunt.

"M-more, please Chase-" He whined. Chase opened his mouth to argue, but all that came out was a deep groan as Henrik clenched around him hard enough stars burst in his vision, hips snapping forward unconsciously. Henrik howled, nails digging into Chase's shoulders as he began to squirm beneath him, and Chase couldn't have stopped himself from kissing him even if he wanted to. Their hips slapped together audibly, Chase thrusting into Henrik hard and fast, muffling Henrik's cries until he had to pull away for air. "Fuck, you look so good, feel so good, you're so fucking intoxicating. I could become addicted to you." Chase moaned, kissing and nipping down Henrik's neck again, leaving blooming marks in his wake. Henrik whined, a low, embarrassed sound, and Chase latched onto the sound quickly, intent on making the man beneath him truly understand how much he meant to Chase.

Henrik whimpered, nails digging into Chase's back as he slowed his pace to a leisurely fuck, hips rolling lazily, enough to feel good but not enough to distract Chase from his mission.

"You're so beautiful, every single part of you. You make me feel so happy. When you say everything will be okay, I believe you. I'm addicted to your laugh, such a beautiful noise. I love it when you smile, especially when it's at something I said. I love it when you drag me out somewhere to get me out of the house. I love it when you get so excited about something you rant about it in German. I love it when you teach me words like enamored and besotted because they're the only way I can tell you how much I love you. I love it when you give me that half-assed scowl, because you can't stay mad at me for very long. I love it when you roll your eyes and give me that playful exasperated tone because I puppy-dog eyed you into getting me ice cream. I love it when you look at me like I matter. I love it when you talk to me like I'm not stupid, like I'm not broken. I love it when you treat me like a person. I love it when you just exist around me, because you make me so happy it hurts. I love you. I love you so much it makes my chest ache." He opened his eyes he hadn't realized he had shut, looking down at Henrik, who had buried his face in his hands, silent.

Chase stopped completely, worry getting the better of him. "Hen?" Henrik just shook his head, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his palms, and it was then that he realized he was crying. "Henrik? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." He mumbled. "I-I'm just..." Chase waited patiently for a response, carefully pulling Henrik's hands away from his face, intertwining their fingers and setting them by Henrik's head, gently kissing away his tears.

"It just...makes me very happy to hear you say that." Henrik mumbled finally.

"Good. I only want to make you cry for good reasons." Chase mumbled, still peppering Henrik's face in kisses.

Henrik laughed brokenly. "Like flooding me in compliments until I can't take it?"

Chase shrugged. "Yes, that's part of the goal. The other part, though..." He pressed their foreheads together again, staring deep into Henrik's damp eyes as he spoke.

"You are my best friend. I love you so much. You could never bother me about anything. You've made my life so much better. I'm so lucky to know you. I'm so lucky to have you here with me. You're not a mistake. You're not a fuck up. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't make my life worse. You made it so much better. I was at the lowest of lows when you found me." He placed a gentle kiss to Henrik's trembling lips. "You saved me from myself." He whispered. "And I'll be forever thankful for that."

Henrik was crying again, near-silent sobs shaking his form, turning his head away in an attempt to hide his face to no avail. Chase peppered his face in kisses, murmuring 'i love you's between each one, squeezing his hands gently, silently reassured when Henrik squeezed back.

It was only when Henrik clenched around him again did they both remember what they were doing. They quivered and moaned in sync, the air between their faces hot and humid.

"Fuck me, Chase." Henrik breathed. "Make me forget everything that isn't you."

Chase had never been more happy to comply. He snapped his hips forward sharply, reveling in the sweet cry it brought, Henrik's grip on his hands tightening as Chase began to fuck him hard and fast. Henrik was shuddered and moaning incessantly beneath him, back arched sweetly, hips bucking back into his thrusts evenly. Chase growled softly, changing his angle slightly, wrenching a scream from the doctors throat.

"Chase-I-I-" Henrik tried desperately to speak, eyes rolling back as Chase mercilessly abused that perfect spot inside of him, sending sweet lightning through his veins.

"Fuck, so good. So beautiful under me. So perfect. What do you need, kitten? Tell me what you want." Chase growled, his breath puffing against the doctors ear, feeling him shudder and clench around him tightly. Chase took a bit of pride in the fact Henrik was drooling a little, completely blissed out of his mind, scrambling desperately for words.

"C-close!" Henrik finally managed, heaving desperately for air. "Don't stop please don't stop gonna cum please touch me I'm so close-" Chase moaned, releasing one of Henrik's hands in favor of gripping his throbbing member, causing Henrik to shout incoherently, the combined forces of pleasure driving him mad, his back arching sharply, hips bucking wildly between Chase's cock and Chase's hand.

" _AH!_ Chase I'm gonna cum gonna cum-" He babbled mindlessly.

 _"_ _Scream for me."_ Chase growled directly into Henrik's ear, the hand around his cock jerking him hard and fast.

Chase struggled to keep his eyes open as Henrik's body went tight as a bowstring, determined to watch the doctor unravel beneath him, even as Chase's thrusts grew wild and uneven.

Henrik jerked and thrashed as he came with a scream, louder than Chase had ever heard him make, eyes rolling back as tears and drool ran down his flushed face, gasping and shuddering violently through the unbearable waves of pleasure, clenching tightly around Chase, sending him over the edge with him with a groan.

Chase was the first to recover, pulling out carefully before flopping down beside the dazed doctor, pulling him close with a low hum.

"Jesus christ." Henrik wheezed eventually, earning a laugh.

"Good?" 

Henrik nodded, giving a low, broken laugh. "Really good. I think I died for a second. I seem to have broken my voice though..." His voice was very hoarse and broken, even after he cleared his throat.

"Was it worth it?" Chase asked, staring at Henrik with a dopey smile on his face.

_"Absolutely."_

Chase laughed again, pulling Henrik close, letting him wrap Chase up in a full body hug, silently deciding that clean-up was tomorrow mans problem.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> This is Lacemaze's fault  
> they dont know me but their fics made this ship sneak up behind me and bash me over the head with a chair  
> also go read their stuff its hNNg
> 
> find me on tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/codradin


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